yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
