I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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