I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
