nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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