i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
