Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
