its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
