No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
