Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
