I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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