where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
