There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
