One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
