Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
