i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
false alarm, still single
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize