fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
