I feel great
I just peed on a car
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
