its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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