I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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