i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
