is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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