as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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