capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's get the cat blown out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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