My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
