So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
