people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
