i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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