Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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