I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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