11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My life is pants optional.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
