he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
