Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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