He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
