Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
