I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
