I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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