he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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