I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
