I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
