I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
