my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
