I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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