How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
