I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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