She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
