i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Randomize
