i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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