He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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