A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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