What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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