Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
