Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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