Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
