so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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