Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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