so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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