Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
