I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
