What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
