Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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