Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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