I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
