before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
