are you so shy because you have an std?
you would pick up someone in the library
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
