3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.