I wish I only lived at night.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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