Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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