It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?