shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Life is so much better after having sex.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck me I smell like cheese