I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better