dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...