You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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