he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
