i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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