a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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