So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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