Will you blow on my dice?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
