I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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