we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
