I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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