Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
