I am puke
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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