I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize