it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
