His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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