I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize
