saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Panties = found
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
