Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
