glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
