cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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