I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
