did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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