Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
