I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
