I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
