Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
