i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
