hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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